Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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