I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
