I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize