New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
