well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
