My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
