There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Everything about him screamed your future.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
