I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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