I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
