Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We are all done wearing pants today
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
