Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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