I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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