im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize