At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
