you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
