I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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