"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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