Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
