I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
