btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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