who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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