I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
