anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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