he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Even my vagina gasped.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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