Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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