I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
