i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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