i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
