I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
