my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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