I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
