Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
