so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
