Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
