Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
