my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
