Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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