Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
try to milk me bitch
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