i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize