TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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