He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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