I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
