Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
