it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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