he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
God, I missed his penis.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
