I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
