Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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