I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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