Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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