why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
