Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
