he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
