My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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