I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
