i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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