How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize