You can't motorboat a personality
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just found puke in my bra..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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