it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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