Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The power of my boobs compel you
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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