It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think your dad took our porno
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize