hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
