in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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