I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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