Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I party with great urgency now.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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