This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
