How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
