:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
then he tried to convert me to islam
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
