I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize