I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
