now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
