did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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