My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
