I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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