if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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