I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
