Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
